You were my friend

It's sad to see a friend of mine walk away to someone else. It's sad to see a friend of mine put more time into someone else than me. Every step of the way, her happiness will always count. Every step of the way I will always support whatever she decides to do but... that's if she even realizes me in front of her.

We use to waste awesome times together, getting in trouble for the stupidest reasons by our parents, eat Mc donalds like there's no tomorrow, Take a 2 hour long walk, Make fun of each other, Make music, writing our blogs together, Playing games, making fun of people... You know that kind of stuff, that kind of best friendship that we use to have.

I wish you'd take a second to realize how I feel instead of just how your boyfriend feels. I wish you can look back at me and realize how many times you've pushed me back when someone else came into your life. I wish when you said you will do your best to put more time into us, I wish that happened. I wish you put effort into our friendship when that was the strongest thing in our life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy that you found someone in your life to love and cherish, but that doesn't mean forget about everything that was there before he was, before you even new him, before he even existed in your life.

I never left you out, never once forgot about you, never once left you hanging when you needed company, never ignored your calls or text or messages on Facebook, Never denied a hang out when you asked but when it comes to me? I'm not an existence in your life, I'm not near your mind or even crossed your mind.

When I had a boyfriend I never gave up on our friendship in fact my boyfriends in my past almost broke up with me because I put our best friendship in front of everything because that's how important our friendship was. Even now I still didn't put my love relationship in front of our friendship but now I see who you are, I see what you do when someone else comes into your life. You forget about what was ever there before. Throwing me out like a piece of paper.


I always told you from the very beginning, when you get into a relationship someday, don't forget about us, don't forget about our best friendship because boyfriends are never your everything, they come and go all the time, beginning of relationships always seem like the only one you're going to have, and some do last but that doesn't apply to every person In this world. Do you understand I ask? and you said Yes. How so?

Life is short and I cherish the people I love the most in my life because they've done a lot towards my life and made me happy and made me become a better person. You were one of them. You were one of those people who actually did more then what others wouldn't do. You made me laugh the hardest out of everyone.

What am I to you? once a month hang out? I'm not someone who you can just see once a month, Did you forget? I was your best friend, I was the one who put all my time into, Failed school because of you, Got in trouble because of you, took risk because of you, Failed to my goals because of you, did everything to make you happy as well, which I never forgot the good times to. I always cared about your education always made sure you did this and that, I wonder if your boyfriend ever even consider for you NOT to skip school?

Why do you think I broke up with Joe? because he was so clingy, he wanted all my times, I skipped school because of him, I thought he was the one of my life because of how nice he is, but really in the end when you break up, you'll look back and realize how much time you shouldn't of put those times in your boyfriend. I would have graduated, I would have got my diploma and get the fuck out of Renton High School. Remember the family you and I wanted? You, Cholo, Joe, and me? Will I'm not in that picture, In fact I hated that image. I didn't belong there because I'm someone that wants to achieve and get far in life, not stay home and skip school or do lazy things all the time. That wasn't the adventure I wanted.

Someday you're going to really need me, Someday when a reverse happens and he lets you go, the first person you're going to cry to is me, unless if you hide in your room all alone because you don't want to hear me say I told you so.

Someday you're going to understand how it feels to be let go, how it feels to be pushed back. Someday when you need me there, I'm not going to be there. Because I'm going to think your boyfriend is there, I'm going to take he can take care of your emotions and feelings. It's not my job anymore right? It's not my job to be there for you, it's not my job to protect you, it's not my job to feed you when your hungry, it's not going to be my job to hug you and wipe your tears when you cry because that's going to be all his jobs. So I hope he does a good job of it because the person I use to be...
Was your best friend. and you... Were my sister, my friend, my best friend.

My Beginning, My Story, My End

I'm not as different then every other girl. I have sensitive feelings like everyone else, and I tend to get mad at things that don't even matter. I'm really not that different. But one thing I'm different though, is that, I stay for certain situations, someones life when it means that much to me. I tend to clinch up my fist and fight through it no matter how hard my situation is or how bad it's beating me down. I'm still crawling out of my way in every possibility to make things right.

As I grow older, I will end up losing people, things, even if they're important. Losing a best friend, that's okay, she'll always be my best friend in my heart. Maybe we didn't grow up together in the same house, but we've known each other for a long time. Boys that hurt me, So many experience, and yet I still manage to move on and live without one, even though now I have someone who truly loves me for who I am. Finally right?.

I wish I can always take the easy route, because... I just want to finish everything quickly, and move on to the next part of my life, but living life is not about rushing through things, it's about, Spending the best, and worse moments in your life because we all only live once. It's a once in a life time chance to actually make something out of my life. I hate being a failure because I will step on myself even more if I don't like what I did. I hate crying because it hurts more. I hate calling myself stupid because I know better. I hate not using my brain even though it's there, I don't think hard enough even though I know I'm a smart girl.

My beginning, My story, and My end, has many many many things to express about. I haven't met my ending yet, but i just recently started my beginning with someone. That someone is incredible.

He's not just the one who loves me more then anyone has, but has also hurt me more then anyone has ever had. Our relationship has a timeline where everything happened so quickly, it's like we've been together for years, but yet it's been only 3 months. 3 months and bad things already got involved. I can't say he was to good to be true because everyone makes mistakes.

Why do I still love him? and Why do I still care for him?

Everything that he has done for me, there is more to it. A mistake can never add up to what he has done for me. Yet, If It was that easy to let him go even though he has kissed another girl, In the end I know I still love him. There is nothing I am afraid of except for him leaving me. I am dying afraid of that happening because if he leaves, How will I start my story? Our story has not begun yet, it is just the beginning.

I love him because he has everything that I need. A heart. A mans heart who is willing to give up everything for his women. A human being who is able to walk thousands of miles for his women. No matter how much he has lied, even right in my face as he apologize, I still yet believe, and trust every word he said. Are those tears just to back him up? Or are they foreals. I still can't yet understand why he would do such a thing, but in the end, everything is okay.

I guess, I have felt the worst pain, that there is no other pain in this relationship that can hurt me more, unless if he leaves, or he's gone in this world, then I would kill myself because he means that much to me.

He makes me so happy, He makes me laugh, He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, Maybe not the only girl in the world, But the one who he calls beautiful, and cute. Music has brung us into a conclusion, falling inlove with music is amazing. It's a vibe that him and I feel, everytime, and every day.

So to answer the question, why do I still love him? Why do I care?

I love him because he's real, he's someone who I feel alive with, Saddness, and happiness at the same time. Without that, this relationship is just a zombie. But with everything that he has done, He has showed me so many different places, and yet, He created new memories with me that is now in front of my image to think about every single day when I feel upset, or sick. He brung music, Yes Music, Back to me and Music is the most important thing in my life, How can I live without my Music.

What I'm trying to say is....

Without him, None of this could have been possible, I would of never experienced. None of this. I would of never tried harder as a person, as a Human being. None of this without him, I would of never been able to cure my own pain, Without him, I would of never had such a strong bonding with my family. Without him... I wouldn't really of known how my feelings really meant until someone had to prove me there is someone out there who understands, who has been through the same.

He has a similiar story as I do, maybe not exact, but a similiar story where I am able to create a conversation with him.

He brings the light into my life. He brings the perfect image even when it rains. He brings the best in me. and I know for a fact, He, will bring US, to forever. And so will I.

He is my beginning, My story, and my ending.


We're the kings and queens today.

Tell me

"Just tell me if I'm wasting your time"

 It all counts because of "You"
 
Love is here every day, All around us, and especially it has feelings. Each day people experience new things, never expect such a wonderful thing to happen. It could happen right now, a minute, months or few years, but there is always that someone, or something that will make you never to forget and never to let go.

You see, when I was a kid I thought that the meaning of "love" was all about holding hands, and kissing. But until the day where I felt a pain in my chest, A pain that my fun times, and happiness just disappeared. That's when I new it was because of one boy. Having puppy love in the past also has a meaning even though I didn't feel the word "love". I learned how to like a boy, and that was my first experience, to define what I can do more than just like.

The years that I've lived in, 17 years almost 18. I have never felt so happy, never felt so blessed. In our lives, we have special, amazing people to be there when we need them, to motivate us to be or do better. Family is always the first to come, and is everyone's priority. Everyone has a number 1 hero. 

Now I, I have someone who's my one and only hero, My number one priority, My motivation, My inspiration, My world, My everything. 
I've never been so happy, So blessed to have an amazing guy like Patrick Kim. I feel like this is my first relationship where It feels so beautiful to be in love. AMAZING that's who he is. A word that can't describe how wonderful a man like him is. It feels like years since we've been dating, but it's only been 1 month. The happiness, and pain crashed so quickly... It really does feel like years hasn't it? .... 

Babe, I love you. I know you're going through a lot, But I don't want anything little to stop you from living. You may be stressed, upset, how ever you feel, it's always going to come by and crash you down, But crying a river from your pain isn't going to flood you happiness or make your mind forget about your situation you put or what ever your going through, but just miserable pain. Happiness is always hard to seek because sometimes you might feel like no matter what you do it isn't getting through anywhere or making a change in your life, but in order to come through the darkness you need to take action of your responsibilities. You have a mission to accomplish, Better ways to provide for yourself, Better things to take care of, and better ways to have a better life. You have a lot of opportunities but you don't think of taking it because you are afraid to fail. I feel that way to, When you say I don't understand you, My words may not match your standards of how you feel, But inside me I feel your pain for some reason... I feel that dirty blue sucking ugly ass heart pain running through your whole body pain. 

When you cry, it really does hurt to see the one I love cry because All I want to do is make you smile, and change your life to have no more tears shedding for haters, blaming yourself, reminiscing the pass. I am here to take action, and actually follow through to my promises That I have given to you. It may take a lot of work to actually never to make you shed a tear for ungrateful things, But I will do the best I can to stand up for you and fight through any hurt feelings others put you through or us going through our downs.

I know you still think about the way you hurt me. I feel hurt also, I will think about how mean you were to do that, But that didn't stop me from loving you. No matter what, nothing will stop me from loving you. Kissing another girl, I can handle that. That is something I don't need to put on top of my situations that I'm already going through in my life babe. Like I tell you, I have better things to take care of, and that " better " is you. I care and love you so much that I put that front of the mistake that you made. Don't ever think I lost that respect for you, You gain everything back from that night when you came over... Seeing you was so hurtful but yet amazing how I've never met a guy who would do that for me to apologize face to face, Cry in front of me. 

When I say I love you more, I know no matter what our relationship and feeling for each other is equal, even though you made a simple mistake, I know okay... Maybe it wasn't a simple mistake, But I know you love me so much, You would give up everything right? Will Don't. When we are ready we can talk it through, and know what's better in our life. I want us to last, You are my last babe, I don't want anyone else but you in my life. My happiness is you, I can't take my happiness away when it means so daym much to me. 

What ever you went through, What ever sadness is running through your mind, FORGET about it. Forget about the ugly things that's striking you down, What ever if it's People talking rude things about you behind your back, FORGET about it. You don't diverse those words they speak out, Those words they say are coming right out back at them. People like that don't know the meaning of mistakes that people make every day, Loving someone so much sometimes you tend to hurt them one way or another. That's the meaning of love to. It's not always about " Oh I love you so much I can't hurt you ever ". I bet sometimes I hurt you to, and I am sorry if I ever did. 

I'm not quitting anything between us, Or going to forget about you that easily. Like you said " We can't go nowhere but up" That's true. What do we have to fear right? I love you, You have the strength to do anything right in your own way, So show it. Don't be afraid. 

So..... Why is my title " It all counts because of "you" ?
everything I do, Is about you, This is why I say it's team work when it's you and I. I can't move on, I can't start my new chapter in my life unless you're here, Unless you are in this relationship with me. Until you are out of my life that's when everything wont count because you aren't here But because you are in my life as my best friend/ Boyfriend. It all counts to live happy, freely, and having the memories that will last a billion years..

I'm right here, right by your side. I'm not going anywhere, and If I do... I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME! <3

SMILE BIG :D let those teeth stick out fresh and white for the fuckers who hurt you, but also SMILE for ME :) 

I got your back babe. When ever you need me... JUST CALL ME! 
at.. 206-327... Lol you know my Number babe. I love you <3 

Forever and Always baby. 

 By the way... 1/12/13 is a dope ass number. (:

Triggering a bullet through my chest

The feeling when the heart feels like it's about to plop out of your ass. The feeling when everything inside you is heating up. The pain when it hits, tears coming down masscara shitting down the face. I've been shot a thousand times in the back, but not in the chest. Daym it fucking hurts. This is real pain.

My mind... is BLANK.

...

....

My Last...

I've felt the notion of love, But i've also felt the anguish of shedding tears, broken picture frames of memories, smashed up gifts i've recieved. No kindness is perfect when having to contend perfection in love, facing reality on mistakes we've all proceed to make each and every day.
I've takened a long journey not just only to find true love, but to find Happiness within the darkness path roads while I seek a long adventure to maybe, just maybe assemble someone like me, going through what I want to succeed and maybe keep forever as I found a perfect match to equip my missing piece.

I've punish myself where blood was involved. I've given my all for dishonest ignorent people, but I still manage to stand tall even if it took me years to get back where I first once standed...

Without any Miss understanding, without wounds and cuts, without tears falling out. My eyes maybe blurry but I can see the truth and lies from the look on someones face without them giving me a speech. Without giving my patients, and body; I wouldn't of been able to study the truth meaning of strength.

I've changed not because of mistakes i've made, But a challenged I failed, and had to re face over and over again until I got to the point where I thought everything was pointless.

Facing fears is always the hardest movement to step up on, but with your heart beating fast, Mind thinking promptly, How will you ever know the true meaning of your fear.

YOU are worth everything. YOU diserve everything that you grant for. YOU have an amazing heart that beats for a girl like me, which I say I don't diserve, but from your past experienced, No ones ever tempered your heart right accurate.

I will be here to save you, I will be here to give you the time of my life, give you perfect memories, and a perfect past. I don't usually make promises, but I promise I will always be here to protect you from getting hurt... I may not have the package, but I can give you more then the best.

I'll always have faith in "US". You can be afraid, be worried, wonder to yourself? What if... "I don't think that way, What if I don't love you".

I will always love you, no matter how many mistakes you've made, Curses you've blamed yourself on. Giving a perfect chance to having to deal with things right, I'm never afraid to give and try... Especially with my baby, and that's "YOU" my LAST.

1/12/13 <3